Facing a self-destructive person - instructions for students

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Quick guide
What is suicidal behaviour?
What to do if you suspect someone is contemplating suicide?
What to remember when meeting a person with suicidal thoughts?
What if someone has attempted suicide or has already taken their own life?
Suicidal tendencies

What is suicidal behaviour?

Suicidal behaviour refers to self-directed, harmful actions or behaviour with an intent to die or to deliberately take life-threatening risks. Suicidal behaviour includes suicidal thoughts, talking about suicide, interrupted suicide attempt, attempted suicide and completed suicide. Self-harm (such as cutting) without the intention to die is especially common among young people but is not covered in these guidelines. 

What to do if you suspect someone is contemplating suicide?

Reach out and ask direct questions

If someone tells you they are having suicidal thoughts or you are seriously concerned about their well-being and possible suicidal behaviour, address your concerns directly. You can start the conversation by asking how this person is doing. Tell them about your concerns and say you are ready to help. It is important to bring up your concerns because a person may be contemplating suicide even if they do not openly say so.

Directly asking if they are thinking about ending their life is essential. We often hesitate to ask about suicidal thoughts, worrying about what to say or how to ask. However, remember that asking about suicidal thoughts does not increase the risk of suicide. Instead, it can be life-saving. Ask directly about suicidal thoughts and avoid euphemisms. Do not shy away from using the word “suicide.” 

You can ask, for example: 

• Have you thought about suicide?
• Are you thinking about ending your life?
• Have you had suicidal thoughts?
• Have you thought about harming yourself? 

You can soften the question by saying, for example: “Now that you told me about all these difficulties, I wonder if you have had moments where you have thought about ending your life or that it would be better to be dead?” Talk openly and use words such as death, suicide and killing oneself. This ensures that both of you understand what is being discussed. If we ask vague or roundabout questions, we may inadvertently discourage the person from opening up because they sense our reluctance to talk about this difficult issue. 

Ask spesific questions

Sometimes, individuals with suicidal thoughts are clearly in immediate danger of taking their own lives, but often the urgency of the situation is not so clear-cut. Suicidal thoughts and the risk of self-harm can range from fleeting and temporary ideas to detailed plans meticulously crafted over time. This is why it is important to ask specific questions if someone mentions suicidal thoughts.

Try to determine whether the person has a clear intention and plan to end their life, or if the thoughts are more arbitrary, such as a vague death wish or feelings of life being meaningless. You should also ask about possible suicide plans as specifically as possible. 

You can ask, for example: 

• Have you decided how you would kill yourself?
• Have you decided when you would do it?
• Have you already taken steps to carry out your plan (such as acquiring the necessary tools)?

A clear plan and the acquisition of tools indicate a higher risk, but the absence of a plan does not ensure the person’s safety, as some suicides occur quite impulsively.

You should also ask:

• Do you use alcohol, drugs or other substances?
• Have you attempted suicide in the past?

Inquiring about substance use is important, because the majority of suicide attempts are made while under the influence. Substance use increases impulsive behaviour and fuel feelings of anxiety, depression and anger. Moreover, it hinders the use of effective and functional recovery methods.
 
It is also important to ask about past suicide attempts, as a prior attempt increases the risk of future suicide at least tenfold.

Connect the person to support services

Whenever someone brings up suicidal thoughts, make sure they have access to or are already receiving professional medical support. 

What if a person is in immediate danger of taking their own life?
If someone is in immediate danger of taking their own life, they must not be left alone. If you cannot stay with them, arrange someone else to keep them company. The primary point of contact is the on-call services of the local primary healthcare centre. In an emergency, you must call 112. If you are unsure whether the situation warrants a 112 call, make the call. It is better to err on the side of caution and let professionals assess the severity of the situation. 

If a person is in immediate danger of taking their own life, it is crucial to ensure their safety. Make sure the person remains safe but also be mindful of your own safety and the safety of others. 

If there is no immediate danger but the person has suicidal thoughts
If the person does not appear to be in immediate danger but expresses vague ideas about suicide –more of an undefined death wish than an immediate intention to take their own life – the best approach is often to encourage them to contact healthcare services themselves. The primary point of contact should be the Finnish Student Health Service, a primary healthcare centre, or possibly occupational healthcare services. You can also suggest they contact the Osviitta Crisis Center. 

If necessary, you can contact support services together with the person or on their behalf, if they are unable to do so themselves. 

You should always follow up to make sure the person has contacted healthcare services. For example, you can agree that the person will send you a message after making contact. Let them know you will reach out if you do not hear back from them. This shows that you care and ensures that the person connects with the support they need. 

You should also make sure the person has the contact details of an emergency contact that is available 24/7, such as the Crisis Helpline, a friend or family member, support services, or a counselling or medical professional. If necessary, verify whether previous contacts are still available. 

If the person already has an existing connection with professional support services, ask if those providers are aware of their suicidal thoughts. If necessary, assist and support the person in informing the provider about these thoughts.

If you have serious concerns about a person and are unable to convince them to connect with support services, but the situation does not qualify as an emergency, you can file a notification of concern (the form is available in Finnish only) with local social services. After the notification, social services will reach out to the person in distress to assess their situation, provided the person agrees to this. 

What to remember when meeting a person with suicidal thoughts?

Remain calm, friendly and respectful

The key is to listen, stay calm and show that you care and want to help. Suicidal thoughts often stem from despair, anxiety and seemingly insurmountable problems. Encouraging the person to talk openly about these issues can make the problems feel more manageable.

Remaining calm is important, as your calm demeanour can soothe the person and convey that it is safe to discuss anything, including difficult topics. When asking about suicide plans, maintain a neutral tone and avoid letting strong emotions (such as fear, shock or a judgemental attitude) influence your response. By staying calm, you non-verbally reassure the person that you can handle hearing difficult issues and are willing to listen and that everything can be worked out.

When talking with someone experiencing suicidal thoughts, focus on instilling hope by emphasising that help is available, things can improve and problems can be resolved. Avoid making them feel guilty, as they may already be feeling insignificant or struggling with negative self-perceptions. 

Studies show that maintaining a friendly, compassionate, appreciative and respectful tone is essential for recovery when talking with someone who opens up about their suicidal thoughts. Even if you are unsure of what to do, you can always show compassion and respect. Simply saying, “Let’s work this out together and see what we can do to help you,” can go a long way. 

Encountering a person with suicidal thoughts can be frightening and distressing. You may find yourself thinking “I do not know what to do” or “What if I do something wrong and only make things worse.” This can lead to the natural reaction of dismissing the other person’s concerns. However, it is essential not to overlook the person’s concerns and to ask them to describe the situation in more detail.

If you encounter someone with suicidal thoughts and need guidance on how to approach the situation, contact our Student Protection Group. You do not have to, and should not, deal with it alone. 

A suicidal crisis and the path to recovery are deeply intertwined with relationships. People need support, acceptance and the presence of others as well as the opportunity to engage in meaningful social roles. For example, students may find it life-affirming to continue their studies and stay connected with their peer group, even if their ability to study is compromised. Doing what they can at the moment, in an environment that is compassionate and understanding of their challenges, can be incredibly important. We can all contribute to creating a supportive and welcoming student community.

Sometime going against a  person’s will is necessary

When talking with someone experiencing suicidal thoughts, avoid promising to keep their plans a secret. While we respect other people’s privacy, their safety must be our top priority. Guide the conversation towards who else should be informed about the person’s thoughts. It is often best to express your own concerns, for example, by saying, “I am very worried about you and want to make sure you stay safe.”  

Sometimes, saving a life means calling 112, even if it goes against the person’s wishes. If you have to act against their will, you can say, “I am so sorry I had to go against your wishes. My primary concern is keeping you alive. That is why I did what I did, but I understand why you feel upset.” 

Reach out for support

Dealing with someone experiencing suicidal thoughts can be incredibly stressful and shocking, even if everything turns out well. Do not try to cope alone with difficult thoughts, but seek support from your family and friends, call the MIELI Crisis Helpline (tel. 09 2525 0116) or contact the Osviitta Crisis Center. 

What if someone has attempted suicide or has already taken their own life?

If you encounter someone who has just attempted suicide, it is essential to promptly connect them with healthcare services for a professional assessment. In an emergency, call 112. 

When we meet someone with suicidal thoughts, we can only do our best to help with the knowledge we have at that moment. Despite our best efforts and intentions, we cannot prevent all suicides. Supporting someone who ultimately takes their own life can be a deeply traumatic experience, and it is important to seek support rather than trying to cope alone. If necessary, reach our for support to your family and friends, the student community, the student healthcare services or the Osviitta Crisis Center. 

If you notice that a fellow student is struggling after supporting someone who is distressed or has taken their own life, do not leave them to cope alone. Ask them, for example: “How are you doing? How can I help? How do you feel about...? Are you having self-blaming thoughts?” Suicidal behaviour often evokes feelings of guilt and shame in those who try to help, leading them to hide and cope with their difficult thoughts and experiences alone. Make sure to actively offer your support to someone in this situation. 

Exposure to suicide significantly increases the risk of suicide, particularly within peer groups. If a person takes their own life, it is important to actively reach out to those who personally knew this person and ask questions, such as: “How are you feeling? Do you think you should have done something differently? How much does this weigh on you? Have you had suicidal thoughts yourself?”. 

The Student Protection Group provides support when there has been a suicide or attempted suicide within our student community, helping students cope with the situation. You can also refer to the Death in student community guidelines, which include, for example, contact details for crisis services and helplines.

Suicidal tendencies

Warning signs

The warning signs of suicide include, for example: 

• Verbal cues, statements or threats referring to suicide, a death wish, or feelings of hopelessness and meaninglessness. Such thoughts may also be expressed through drawing or writing.
• Looking for ways to commit suicide and making a suicide plan.
• Making final arrangements, such as writing farewell letters, putting affairs in order and giving away prized possessions.
• Noticeable mood swings, changes in emotions or emotional expression, emotions fluctuating from one extreme to another.
• Reckless behaviour or increased substance abuse.
• Social withdrawal. 

It is important to note that a person contemplating suicide may exhibit one or more of these warning signs, but sometimes they may show no signs at all. A person at risk of suicide may also appear seemingly serene and calm, possibly indicating that they have already decided to take their own life.

Risk factors

Suicide and attempted suicide often stem from prolonged feelings of hopelessness, coupled with a triggering event such as the loss or threat of losing a relationship, job or health, fear of losing face, a crisis or a significant change. Typically, suicides are associated with an accumulation of risk factors, but they are impossible to predict.

A prior history of suicide attempt is the strongest predictor of completed suicide. Other significant risk factors include mental health disorders (especially depression, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia), chronic pain, insomnia and multiple chronic diseases. 

There is a strong connection between substance abuse and suicide, with alcohol abuse being associated with nearly 50% of suicides in Finland. Approximately 40% of male victims in Finland are intoxicated when they commit suicide.

Other factors that contribute to suicide risk include having a loved one who has died by suicide, being part of a minority, and having a low socio-economic status.

Suicide facts and figures

Since the peak year of 1990, the suicide rate in Finland has been halved, yet suicide prevention remains a critical goal. In 2021, 747 individuals took their own lives in Finland, with men accounting for 70% of the victims. Suicide is the leading cause of death among men aged 20-34 years in Finland. 

However, there is no gender difference in suicide attempts, which are equally common among men and women. Each year, at least 10,000 suicide attempts occur in Finland, with approximately one in fifteen resulting in death. Although a history of attempted suicide increases the risk of future suicide, recovery from a suicide attempt is more common than not. The overwhelming majority of people who attempt suicide choose life, their suicidal thoughts diminish, and they go on to live fulfilling lives. 

Suicidal thoughts are common, and nearly everyone has thoughts about death and suicide at some point in their lives. Studies indicate that an average of 2% of adults in developed countries have experienced suicidal thoughts in the past month, and almost 10% of Finnish adults report experiencing at least some degree of suicidal thoughts. People who acknowledge having suicidal thoughts are not necessarily at immediate risk of taking their own lives. Nonetheless, these thoughts must always be taken seriously and discussed in more detail.